There is something wrong with my “SHAFT”

On an average day I would say that enjoy my job.  I like massage therapy.  I enjoy my co-workers (with the exception of one) and love to be at work making money.

Of course there have been days when there are no clients and in turn no money.  But there are those days when I am busy and making money but an idiot comes in.

Sure there is a client therapist priviledge when in comes to whar is said or done in an appointment – but when they step over the boundaries that little thing is OVER.

As I sat at work yesterday – I was asked by one of the receptionists if I would take an Aromatherapy Body Polish – usually something I love to do.  Quick easy and much more fun than a 75 minute hot stone massage.  But I would rather do 9 hot stone massages a day for a month than to have had to deal with the foolish Alaskan tourist I was stuck with on this particular day.

I introduce myself to the client and shake his hand.  Thereafter I place him in the bathroom to lock up his belongings and get into a bathrobe.  When he comes out I direct him to go into my room and get on the table face down and cover himself with the sheet I provided.

So far so good he has followed directions right?  WRONG!  I come in and there is a tent pitched on the table and he is face up.  I close the door halfway and tell him to flip onto his stomach and to cover his bumm with the sheet.

I proceed into the room with extreme caution at this point since the situation has already felt OFF.

Once I am feeling confidently safe to enter I go into the room and direct him as to the process.  He is behaving like all other clients at this point.  Slightly nervous and almost embaressed since I will be sloughing off all the dead skin from his body EXCLUDING genitals.

While he is on his back he is constantly adjusting himself and moving around.  Although this is slightly abnormal – this is a quick 25 minute service and can be rushed. Which I was set on doing from that point on.

So it came time for me to have him turn onto his back. Mind you he has been complaining about being hot in my room.  That would be the point when getting a massage service.

So when he was facing straight up the moron tourist from Alaska (as if that should have surprised me at all – it was one of YOUR PEOPLE Sarah Palin) actually started his little bullshitting….

“Yeah so I got a Brazilian Wax before coming into town from Alaska.  And there is something wrong with my SHAFT is there anything you can do for it? I could really use the extra hand.”

Now for anyone who doesn’t know what a Brazilian wax is – it is when an Aestitician removes all of your hair from your pubic region and ass crack.

So the reason why this is amusing isn’t because of the audacity it required for this fool to come out with this 0utrageously stupid thing but because he had no idea that I was literally gonna make his day and week really uncomfortable and lonely.  Only 4 hours in Vegas and you propositioned the wrong female.

Instead of running from the room and making things uncomfortable for the all female staff this particular day, I enforced good behavior and a silent mouth.

“Well sir you see I have a little something called integrity and its funny but Vegas has these little things called laws so what kind of help you need, you need to go looking to the shower when I throw you in there to rinse off the scrub.  I will give you the remainder of the scrub and if you are really that desperate to HELP YOURSELF.”

“But when you come back from your shower? Not another word in that direction. Understood?”

Needless to say, he was relatively polite and remained well behaved after that.  I was able to jump through and kick him out in less than 25 minutes and still made my money from the spa and he had the humility to tip me as well.

However – NOTE TO ALL IDIOT TOURISTS – I dont care who the hell you think you are or how much money or anything more about you – I AM NOT GOING TO HELP YOU.  A real massage therapist that spends over $1,200 a year to work will not generally give HAPPY ENDINGS or work in spas located in casinos.

Go to Spring Mountain Road and pick a place anyplace – but stay the hell away from me.