Top 5 Rudest Things you can say to a Massage Therapist

So as you all know, I am a Certified Licensed Massage Therapist. I work at the casinos walking around for 7 hours at a time offering gamblers a massage while they throw their money away on wasteful chance.

There are a number of things that I hear from these assholes that I can honestly ignore and move on from. But there comes a time within the course of work that certain comments are made that absolutely annoy the shit out of me and RUIN my mood and potential for making a living.

I mean really don’t you fuck ups understand that there are very few jobs for 36 year old women in this city who are also college students? What makes you think that it is okay for you to just ask for me to fuck you? Last I checked I don’t have a sign on my chest that says WHORE.

So on with the TOP 5 THINGS YOU DO NOT SAY TO A LICENSED MASSAGE THERAPIST – AT ANY TIME!!!!!!!!!

NUMBER 1 – You mean you had to go to school to learn to rub someone?

This is obviously a huge problem – YES I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR OVER A YEAR AND MADE AN INVESTMENT OF OVER $15,000 FOR IT. But do you care about that? Of course not since you are so self centered that you think that only your career is something that requires schooling. How would you fuckers feel if I went and asked you – YOU HAD TO GO TO SCHOOL TO LEARN TO DO TAXES? Only morons would think that anyone can administer a decent massage to aching muscles.

NUMBER 2 – Does it include a “HAPPY ENDING”?

First of all – do you think that this line is original? Do you think that you would approve if a man asked your wife, mother or sister for a hand job after she cashes their paycheck or served them a meal?

Why do you think that it is okay to ask this of me? Because we are in Las Vegas? The so- called lawless city? Where all women are nothing more or less than simple whores there to serve your every whim?

NUMBER 3 – How long have you been a masseuse?

First of all masseuse is an out dated name for a massage therapist. It is also seen as a code name for whore.

Completely inappropriate and rude to call us that.

NUMBER 4 – Is it FREE? NO? Then no way – only if its free. But hey you are hot – can I massage you?

Jerkoffs this is the way I make a living. I am not here to pleasure you. And it is hard enough for me to want to touch you in the first place but to ask if you can massage me is just fucked up and purely disgusting.

AND LAST – NUMBER 5 – Are you serious? Why should I “LET” you touch me?

This one kills me – this usually comes from the disgusting dirty greasy men that are completely unworthy of my hands anyway.

What caused this tirade of obscenities to spew from my mouth you may ask?

Well tonight I was at work and this is what happened.

I walk up to a man who is sitting at a slot machine. He seems normal – he is from Queens NY so I assume he will be nice and even behaved.

However, his shit is what makes people believe that NYers are dicks.

I am a mere 3 minutes into his massage and he asks, “So do you do outcall massages as well?” I deflect this first question and redirect him. I hand him a card for the company I work for and he waits about 10 seconds and begins again. “I will be in town for 2 weeks and want you to come to my hotel room for 2 hours everyday wearing a bikini, thigh highs and high heels, and bring lots of oils and I want you to come to the Plaza with me at 3AM”

“Oh and will the massage include a release?”

WTF? It took all my strength to just collect the money – remain calm and not just fuck him up for this shit.

I issue this as a warning to every slime bag out there looking for this form of treatment next time I hear this shit I may have to simply use my stun gun on your ass. Obviously I would end up on the news but fuck it – for my dignity alone it would be worth it.

So consider yourselves warned – you never know which one of us I am and you wouldn’t want to find out the hard way would you? You wouldn’t want to find yourself laying on the floor stunned and shaking right?

So just watch it assholes