Complicated Life in Las Vegas

The complicated life of a East Coast transplant

You may be looking to move to Las Vegas. You may think that it is the answer to all your problems. You may see shows on television and hear things from the fabulous people that live here from their blogs on Facebook, Myspace and Twitter.

Allow me to be the first to inform you that Vegas is NOT all that its cracked up to be.

You see, my father lured me here from a lucrative life that I could have been having right now back in New Jersey or New York City. I had the skills and the personality to be able to make something out of nothing. I was born as a member of a loser family. No one completed a damn thing EVER. My brothers never finished high school, never got a GED and pretty much failed as far as the human species is considered. My parents were not much better. My mom got her GED but did absolutely nothing after that. My dad claimed to have gone to college yet did absolutely nothing with that either. They bumbled around doing whatever they could just to pay the bills they made by charging their credit cards to the max.

So there I was never guided, never encouraged, never counseled. But I did go to college. Two times prior and received an associates degree each time. And here I am again – in college finally looking to complete my bachelor’s degree. Should I be sad about my family? Of course I’m not, it just makes me want to succeed even more.

But I digress, you see Las Vegas on TV, Twitter, Facebook and MySpace are all a sham. No one will tell you what you need in order to live here. You cannot want friends. Not real ones at least. I have been here for over 3 years now and I have maybe 2 people I can call friends. One of which is from NYC herself and the other is a person I worked with. Now aside from myself and my husband – neither of us have found anyone that we can trust with our lives. Sure I thought I had some friends. They were fake, backstabbers and liars. A few of them even tried numerous times to get me fired from a few of the jobs that I have had here.

Now I mentioned in previous blogs that I had an education and work experience in the legal field. But when I moved here I was told “Sorry we can’t risk hiring you – You have NO Nevada law experience. How can you get Nevada law experience when you can’t get hired in order to get the experience? They expect you to go to UNLV for a paralegal program that costs approximately $23,000. And in turn, you are able to be a paralegal in Nevada only. Why is it that an ABA approved program in NJ wasn’t good enough for Las Vegas? Because Las Vegas is a sham.

Now I always see people asking about what “work cards” do you need to work in Las Vegas? Too many. If you are moving here with literally the clothes on your back and little else, you might as well bring a cardboard box and an empty coffee cup to panhandle on the street corner. Depending on what you are looking to do for a living, the work cards vary. I will list each and do my best to explain each one to you.

The Sheriff’s Card – cost is approximately $50. You cannot request one on your own. You must first receive a written job offer in order to be awarded one. Should you have ever served substantial time in jail though, a sheriff’s card is not so much possible. You have to have a car to drive yourself to the location where you will sit for 2 hours, waiting for some inept person to attempt at least 5 times to take your digital fingerprints. Then on to waiting for about 1 hour more. Once you get through that – you go and pay – by the way – NO CREDIT CARDS. Oh and not to mention that if you want to work in the gaming areas in this city you MUST have an additional GAMING SHERIFFS CARD. More money.

The infamous Health Card – This experience is time consuming and painful. You pull into a parking lot in a borderline unsavory part of the city. You hope to park in a spot that will not get your car either towed or broke into. The cost of said Health Card is between $50 and $75. You must get both a tuberculosis test and a Hepatitis shot. Which Hep this is? Who knows. All I can tell you is that the damn thing hurts like hell. Now you MUST have valid forms of ID, money and a lot of time. For you see, you MUST watch a video and take a test in order to be able to work here as a front desk person at the local McDonald’s. The entire ordeal is usually a full day affair. So just remember that should you think you can get the card in a matter of a few hours – YOU ARE WRONG.

So you are a bartender in East BumbleShit Indiana huh? You want to bartend here in Fabulous Las Vegas? Well then you need to get another card. It is called the TAM card. This is a ridiculous requirement. If you have already working in the bar industry you can see what a drunk person looks like and acts like. You also already know how to cut them off without a scene. But here in Las Vegas they consider the fact that the persons who are asking to work here may never have worked a day in their lives. So you pay about $75 to sit through a 4 hour class, a movie with a talking Jim Beam bottle, and a test about how to tell that someone has had too much and how to cut them off without causing a bad reaction from the drunk asshole.

But also keep in mind that the basic bars may not want to hire you because you have not attending bartending school here in Las Vegas. You won’t be able to pour a Vegas special drink. So you might as well tack on $400 for bartending school.

Also note worthy is that if you are thinking of working in the casinos – do not have bad or questionable credit, be a divorced woman or have filed bankruptcy. You will NOT be getting the job for 15 years past the last issue with your income. Not to mention many of the employers out here love to give the obligatory drug test. BUT – you are paying for the drug test.

Also note, if you are a slightly curvy woman and think you will be working in the service industry on the strip. IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. They have a “MODEL” position connected to every position within a bar, club and restaurant.

If you are a fat man? It rarely matters but still you will run into a few walls if you are anything but a fat WHITE man.
Not to mention many companies here do not hire anyone but white people and will tell you that you are just not who they are looking for.

So all in all I will give you a list of what you need to be or do in order to work and live here in Las Vegas.

1. No need for friends or human interaction on a personal level
2. MONEY – to pay for your work cards
a. Sheriff’s card
b. Health Card
c. TAM card
d. Gaming Card
e Licensing for massage, cosmetology etc.
3. No credit issues in your past.
4. No divorces
5. Preferable that you are model material

If you are wondering about the true or validity in these claims, refer back to the MTV show with the 3 kids that moved here. Two moved away quickly and only one – a gay boy that had his parent’s credit card stayed here to PARTY.

If you are a bored person who is solely looking to party your youth away and have no future plans – perhaps even looking to contract AIDs then by all means move here to Vegas as for the rest of you that are thinking about coming here…..you’ve been warned.